Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize