Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
