Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
