don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Drunk is not a location!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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