I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
