When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
