hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
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