last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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