I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
