Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
