I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
