im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
