dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
