i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He has the fingertips of a God
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