you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
MIDGETS
????
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
