I'm sorry my penis didn't work
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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