It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
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