I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
