There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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