Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
