where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
