You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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