and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
