How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
