you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
