420 ftw
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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