I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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