Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
