I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
He better not be in your backpack
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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