Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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