The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I came so hard my ears popped.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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