Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
