Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize