my mouth tastes like poor choices
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize