So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
