hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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