do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
