Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
