i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we're making bets on your personal life
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
