I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We need a shit load of segways right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize