1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He shit in the fireplace
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
