i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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