I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize