My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Damn victory sex feels great
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
