I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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