his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
