Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
