Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
