we have officially lost it.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
