it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
