Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Boobs are out for the taking
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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