Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
