I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
