it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
