i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There's always time for handjobs
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
