Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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