This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
