i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
