god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
