I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
