I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
