I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
