The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
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