The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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