he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
