dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
